Recap: A Night in White

If you made it through my last post, which was literally a month ago…life…real hard, real fast, then you know I not only announced my own journey and fight with a fibroid diagnosis but also informed you all that July is Fibroid Awareness Month. I spent a large percentage of my waking hours obsessively researching, trying to find the chances of fibroid recurrence after surgery, procedure options and their effects on fertility and a link in what causes a fibroid to develop and grow, because NO ONE KNOWS. Since women aren’t dying but the costs to treat, manage and fight fertility threats many experience, such as IVF, egg extraction/freezing and treatments to improve chances of natural conception are so outrageously high, the urgency to pinpoint a cause and find a cure is low…i.e. it’s too profitable from a business standpoint. Women may be suffering from depression due to their excessive symptoms, their marriages and relationships could suffer greatly emotionally, physically and financially and their own self -esteem and personal perception might take a hit as they are forced to deal with a body that no longer functions, feels and/or looks like their own, but so long as they require surgeries and procedures that cost tens of thousands of dollars, expensive medications, family planning treatments with astronomical price tags, blood transfusions, as well as iron infusions, to sustain a somewhat normal lifestyle and the revenue is steadily increasing…all is well and right on track, in the eyes of healthcare providers all over.

Photos courtesy of Iris Mannings (www.irismannings.com)

In the midst of my search for insight and message boards/groups of other women on their journey I found an awesome organization, The White Dress Project! I checked out the website, mission and creator. One of the things that I loved the most was the resiliency of founder, Tanika Gray. She didn’t wait until her journey was over and she had time to recover, regroup and relax to go back and channel those thoughts, feelings and emotions that so many battle. Tanika didn’t start this organization once she’d fully recovered, started a family and had an amazing fertility “success” story to incite a sense of prosperity preaching to an audience of vulnerable women desiring similar results. She created The White Project while navigating through her own fibroid roller coaster. She’s shared her own story, given her mother a platform to speak about hers, as well as provided a space for myself and so many others to speak. Her tenacity to reach out to assist others NOW, during it all, speaks immensely about her heart and intentions! For any ladies and/or gentleman looking for more information, resources or ways to support any loved ones as they make their way through the journey to overcome fibroids I encourage you to visit her website, www.thewhitedressproject.org, and reach out to see what you can do!

L to R: Cynthia Bailey and Tanika Gray (Photo Cred: (www.irismannings.com)

A Night In White was held in the heart of Washington, DC at The Liason Capitol Hill Hotel. Prior to the event, Tanika asked if I’d be willing to share my story. I committed. However, in the few days leading up to the event I started to doubt pretty much everything. Would I get up there and freeze? Would people even really see and hear me? My heart? Would a single individual leave feeling encouraged? Would they be distracted by the major bloat that I myself couldn’t even stop gawking at, brought on by doctor recommended pill cycling and a fibroid the size of a fetus going into the second trimester? I literally started overanalyzing every single thing and possible bad scenario within a 10 minute timespan and had to check myself. I did some extra crunches for good measure and diverted my attention. When I arrived to the hotel, the lobby was bustling with attendees who arrived early for the event. The energy was very upbeat and there was a great sense of anticipation and unity. Many came with friends, a significant other or spouse and some even brought their daughters that they’d worked so hard to conceive as a reminder that there is hope for conception and birth after a rigorous bout with fibroids. Whether an individual was there to enlighten, support or offer encouragement the one thing we all shared was the desire to uplift. There were quite a few men that attended to stand in solidarity with the women in their lives which was so delightful to witness because whether you’re seriously dating, engaged or married tackling and overcoming fibroids is something that doesn’t only affect the woman. It affects a couple as a unit.

Event Space (Photo Cred: www.irismannings.com)

Moments before walking out to tell my story, I started talking to lady who was asking me about my experience and I shared how I’d gone to see a “specialist” that was highly recommended and sought after but that I could never proceed with him because of his holier than thou, arrogant attitude, lack of consideration for myself or my time, as well as a few other reasons. When I finished she asked me if I minded divulging the name of the physician I’d been referred to but was so against. Before I could get his name out she asked, “Is it *insert wretched doctor’s name here*?” and to my surprise…that’s exactly who it was! She told me that she’d seen the same doctor. He treated her similarly. He was cold, condescending, always excessively late, arrogant and didn’t seem to really hear her or her concerns but because he’d been titled one of the “best” she felt she should just be fortunate to have gotten in to see him and that his alleged skills and confidence in her ability to conceive after he operated and removed her fibroids outweighed the rest. He didn’t like questions and would become agitated, so she obliged his pride and surrendered her voice and fertility over to him, trusting it would all be worth it. Now, here this sweet lady stood, next to me, fighting back emotions, telling me that after her surgery she’d seen multiple doctors and specialists who all stated her uterus had been stitched back too tightly. For the last five years post operation, her attempts at conception had still been unsuccessful due to the scar tissue build up from her incision and IF she manages to conceive, because her uterus is now so small, they all fear it wouldn’t be able to properly expand with a growing child and would likely rupture. She continued to say, “Your story is important. People need to hear it…I wish I would’ve searched for another doctor. I wish I would have heard this story and then I would’ve reconsidered.” INSTANTLY I was reminded, very little in this life is ever just about us, the good or the bad.

Photos courtesy of Iris Mannings (www.irismannings.com)

After the event was over, a few others came to me, women and men, a few to encourage, some to thank me for being so transparent and many to say the story was truly helpful. I was approached by a second lady who inquired about my doctor and had also seen the same one, however she chose to walk away and search for someone new. A Night in White helped place so much in perspective (fears, concern, angst) and hear numerous stories, some that ended in success, many that are still being written and even a few that sadly didn’t end as hoped. I felt a myriad of things but the one thing I didn’t feel was alone. If you’re tackling fibroids and feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious etc. I highly recommend attending any event or group meetup that caters to fibroid awareness. It’s good to actually sit in the presence of others going through similar experiences and interact with them in person, as opposed to behind a screen on a message board. I recommend that for anything you may be tackling in life, mental health, physical health or anything else in life that has you unsettled, especially if you don’t have many around you who can truly relate.

Curls gifted us all with full size products (Photo Cred: www.irismannings.com)

 CEO/Founder of Center For Brown Girls, www.centerforbrowngirls.org Photo: Iris Mannings

Popcorn Queens delicious popcorn (Photo Cred: www.irismannings.com)

I hope you advocate for yourselves daily. Whether it’s at your job, in the doctor’s office or wherever! You must determine what is best for you and fight like hell to get and maintain it!