Don’t Wait To Celebrate!

So it’s year of our Lord 2019 and I’m baacckkk!! I’ve been MIA recovering from an unexpected emergency surgery, some time in ICU, an 8 night stay in the hospital, another unplanned surgery and tons of stories, experiences and lessons in between. 2018 as a whole was TUMULTUOUS to say the least but the end of the year, during what I’ve named #MedicalMayhem, things escalated so quickly and were so critical that it took me through a lot of changes with no real transition. 

Not even 3 months ago I was in the hospital calmly telling my parents I thought things may be serious than the simple ER trip I’d originally expected and they should fly out. Following surgery I wasn’t even able to get in and out of the bed by myself. I went from being completely independent and self sufficient to being listed as a “fall risk” and requiring someone present every time I even needed to use the restroom. Talk about humbling. I’m so grateful I decided to go to the hospital when I did because as soon as I walked in things escalated and the continued to for a few weeks. I went through a lot of changes, lost a lot of control and when you’re an independent individual control is CRITICAL! You have no choice but for it to be because you feel as though everything depends on you and you’ve got to make moves and decisions in order to make things happen. Since November I’ve been recovering and thankfully I feel more like myself than I have in over a year! I’m now back in the gym, wiser and mentally stronger than I’ve ever been. 

However, on my first day back in the gym, after being away prior to my original, and what I planned to be my only, surgery in September I started out with ten sprints because…two modes…0 or 200. I set the speed a little slower then where I’d left off in August/September. I’d been to the gym a couple days prior to test out different movements, see how they felt and make sure I was mentally prepared to get back in the gym despite the irrational fear of my whole belly button falling out due to one of my incisions, but by the absolute grace of God…my belly button stayed in place y’all and I didn’t have any discomfort. I stretched, got on the treadmill, set the speed and then jumped on. Sprints 1-6 went pretty well, 7-10 required a little inner pep talk, a quick call to the Lord and extra loud trap music. Following my sprints, I hit leg day. I was so excited to be one workout in and back at it. Then came day 2. I got up at 5am again and hit the gym feeling pretty good. That day my warm up was a mile. It took me almost 10 minutes to complete. By the time I was done my legs were TALKING to me. As soon as I saw my time I was instantly like, “Oh HECK NO. I need to get a plan set so I can get back to my usual because if I start letting myself get too lax I won’t improve. I’ll become stagnant.” Instantly all of these harsh tweaks and critical assessments were coming to mind. I told myself I needed to get down to under 9 ASAP and then once I got in the 8 min. range I would START to feel a little satisfaction. Suddenly it hit me…I’d just been in the hospital restricted from even sitting up because my blood pressure had dropped so low. I had emergency surgery, was pumped with so many fluids and had so much swelling that I picked up over 30lbs in less than 48 hours. My skin was so tight from the swelling it hurt to take deep breaths, walk, hiccup, sneeze or do anything more than just exist and even that hurt for the first 72 hours. I had a drain coming out of my side for a few days and once I left the hospital I had an IV in my arm for 22 days that I used to receive daily infusions yet there I was, running on my own, able to drive again, back to being self sufficient and I was coaching myself to do MORE before I would even begin to celebrate and be happy. 

So many of us do this too often and it’s got. to. STOP! We are so accustom to having such high standards for ourselves (a level of standards that we would never even think of imposing on anyone else) that until we’re where we want to be, we don’t deem where we are to be good enough. We’re so focused on NOT being complacent that we forget to be content in the transitional moments of our journey. For me that is a constant battle and something I have to continuously be intentional about correcting. There’s such a fine line between the two and I struggle with it daily. I will cheer people on for small baby steps all day and be genuinely excited, only to wait until I’ve completely reached a goal to briefly pat myself on the back, tell myself I need to keep going because there’s so much more to do and achieve. Then shortly after, and I do mean shortly, I’ll feel like I need to tackle something else because I have a scroll length list of goals. I’ve got to reach a new height and accept a new challenge so I won’t become complacent, can’t stand the thought of being stagnant…but I’ve realized doing that eliminates any real chance of celebration and appreciation! You miss the opportunity to celebrate YOU, your journey and the small victories.

Baby steps are still steps! So whether it’s a leap in the right direction or a slow shuffle, you’re still moving and some days, that’s all that matters! Are you trying to lose weight? You don’t have to wait until pound 25 to celebrate. Your first 5 is cause for a pat on the back! In order to get to 25 you must first get to 5…levels. Did you have more patience with your children today? Only raised your voice 3 times, as opposed to 7, after repeating the same thing 732 times? Mama, that is a victory! Did you correct yourself after realizing you were talking AT your spouse and not TO them…Charlie Sheen WINNING! The truth of the matter is, in life, as well as all relationships with our friends, family and significant others…the small things really are the big things. They have a major impact on the dynamics of those connections. So here’s to being MORE celebratory and LESS critical, to basking in our moments and cheering ourselves on, to appreciating the grace that’s helped push us along and to loving ourselves through every phase of the journey.  You are worthy!

P.S. These photos were taken for no other reason than to be a little more celebratory!